I once said, ‘I will never be THAT mom’

stressed mom

This is me in the morning…
minus two of the kids!

When I look back years ago, I realize now, that I had what I call a ‘new mom complex’. Not all new moms have this… but I definitely did. I looked at many moms around me and thought, ‘I will never become like that’. I really believed at the time that I would be the exact same mother in five years time as I was at that very moment. I would always take my nail polish off when it chipped. My eyebrows would never be unkept, let alone look like the amazon had taken over my face. I would never leave the house without looking like I was managing just fine, even if it meant being confined inside my home for days. And then something happened. I evolved. Little by little, I adjusted my behaviour and routine to make life easier and more manageable. And naturally, as the demands of motherhood took their toll and I focused more on my kids than myself… I became the poster child for MOMvolution.

What is MOMvolution you ask? Well… not to get too scientific here or anything, but it all comes down to how we evolve as mothers and eventually just adapt to the demands of motherhood. We’ve all seen that poster of the chimp that slowly evolves into a human right? Now before I get all kinds of emails about ‘The Theory of Evolution’, I am just making a comparison… not opening a debate on that argument. I’m simply saying that as a mom, I can tell you that I have definitely evolved over time, and if I had to make a poster of myself… well, I’m pretty sure that many of you would relate and probably have a good old chuckle at the same time.

I remember when I first moved into our neighbourhood and I had just given birth to my first child. There was this family that lived across the street that I always used to shake my head at. Their lawn constantly had toys and bikes all over the place, and their son was ALWAYS out front playing by himself. As I sat at my front window, cuddling my quiet happy newborn, I couldn’t help but notice that the mother of this child would come out in her housecoat all the time and often walked her son to the bus stop braless and in her pyjamas. ‘Seriously?’ I used to think, ‘I will never catch myself doing that. I will never be THAT mom’.

Well, as many of us know, there is a big difference from having one child to having two or three and so on. As we become responsible for more children, naturally there are less resources to go around and our time and finances become strained. When I had my second child, everything changed for some of these exact reasons. My daughter was never settled and had the power to terrorize our entire family with blood curdling screams for hours on end. I love her dearly, but wow did she ever turn our household upside down. With a toddler and a newborn I became very worn out and this is when I started to adapt to my environment. I no longer had to worry about my nails being chipped… because I never had a moment to do them in the first place. With our funds limited, things like getting my hair done and eyebrows waxed went out the window. Before I knew it I was wandering around the mall shopping for holiday gifts with fuzzy unkept hair, one eyebrow plucked, and marker stained fingers (Crayola lied when they said that crap was washable!). But I was still dressed nicely… and definitely wearing a bra.

Things changed once again in our household when I went back to work. Although I was only working part time, it seemed that managing our schedules and keeping up with chores was just not happening. Before I knew it, I was so exhausted that the first thing I would do when I got home was put on my comfy elastic waist pyjama pants and try to spend a few hours with the kids before bedtime. Suddenly when I would go out for a special occasion, everyone would comment how great I looked. It’s only now that I realize that I was getting many compliments because people were so used to me look tired and dishevelled.

And once more I adapted to the constant changing demands of motherhood when my oldest son started school. I would now have to be up early even on my few days off to get him ready for school and to the bus. Even on the weekends the kids were up at the crack of dawn demanding to play out in the front yard. This is when the final adaptation occurred. Just the other day I found myself out on my front yard picking up all kinds of kids toys and bikes in nothing other than my housecoat. It wasn’t even a nice housecoat… it was an awful horribly stained well seasoned ‘mom robe’. Oh… it gets better. With James in school now, I found myself rushing him to the bus stop in my lounge pants, a t-shirt… and I can’t believe I am saying this…. ‘braless’. Yup… it’s official, I’ve become a prime example of the theory of MOMvolution.
The best part of evolving and adapting as a mother is that if we are lucky we recognize our mistakes and in turn become more kind and understanding people. I know that the more I evolve as a mother, the less judgmental I get. As a new mom I clearly judged other mothers who had perhaps forgot how important it was to… well… at least put a bra on when they left the house. Now, I know how easy it is to lose ourselves in motherhood when we are constantly adapting to all the responsibilities that are on our shoulders. I just hope that perhaps the person making the poster for exactly what happens to us moms overtime, is kind enough to draw me with a bra on!!

Comments

I once said, ‘I will never be THAT mom’ — 5 Comments

  1. Great post! Thanks for sharing and making us all feel better with your honesty! 🙂 I know exactly what you’re talking about being a new mum to my 10 month old! Found your blog via the Circle of Mom Top 25 lists! Visiting from Australia! (Top 25 Aussie Mums!)

    The Urban Ma
    jacqfruit.wordpress.com

  2. Every time I’ve thought myself “ugh, no way not me” I’ve ended up in that very position months or even years later. I have kids from pre k to college and I can now say that I adore moms of all kinds of parenting styles… and various degrees of sleep deprivation…
    Carrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal

    • Thanks for stopping by Carrie. So true… I never say ‘that wont be me’ any more. I’ve learned my lesson on more than one occasion. I love you your statement about adoring mom of all kinds of parenting styles. The more support we show one another the better!