To the Moms that I can’t possibly relate to

sick child

photo credit: bold.as.love via photopin cc

I usually write about topics that I feel most moms can relate to. I talk about being exhausted, feeling overwhelmed and experiencing things like temper tantrums and anxiety attacks. I support all the moms who go through all these trying scenarios by writing honestly about them and sharing a ‘you’re a good mom’ with them. But what about the moms that I can’t possibly relate to? What about the single moms out there who have struggles that I can’t write about? I can’t possibly know how to write about the heartache and emotions that a mom who’s lost a child goes through. I have no idea what a mother of a child with cancer or other life threatening illnesses goes through. I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot lately. I want all the moms out there to know that while I may have no idea what you are going through, I care and support you.

I think one of the biggest mistakes I used to make as a mom was complaining about my struggles like they were way worse than the next person’s. If someone mentioned that their kid had a nightmare, I felt compelled to share that my son had night terrors to the point where he would projectile vomit everywhere. If a mom said her kid had a sprained ankle, I would chime in how horrible it was to have my son break his collar bone. I thought I was being supportive in my story sharing, until I caught myself doing it to a single mom. I went on and on about how I was feeling like I couldn’t manage our chaotic schedules. It was that moment that I realized how oblivious I was to other moms struggles. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be able to be open and honest about what we are going through with other moms. I’m simply sharing how important it is to understand that some moms have difficulties that others can’t even fathom. To any single moms out there, you’re a good mom! I hope that there are some single moms out there who will share some their experiences here so we can better support one another.

Something else that I still stumble with, is knowing what to say to a mom who’s lost a child. I can’t imagine the heartache that comes with losing a child, and I think it’s important that I don’t try to pretend to know. There are so many moms out there that have experienced this terrible loss and it’s important that even though we might not relate, we need to show our love and support to them. To the moms who’ve lost children, I think of you and all that you’ve been through. I want you to know that you are supported and cared about through this site, even though I myself, cannot always relate. In the months to come I hope to have some posts from moms who can share their stories and support for other moms who’ve been through such a tremendous loss.

I recently visited another mom who’s daughter is battling cancer. While I waited to go up the elevator in the hospital I felt nervous and anxious. I didn’t know what I was going to say or how I could help. I realized as soon as I saw this mom’s face that I didn’t have to do anything else other than be there. I didn’t have to act like I knew what to say. I didn’t have to hold back when I answered her questions about my kids and what was new with them. I was supporting her by being there. So I want to make sure that if you’re a mom who is sitting in that hospital room with your sick child, going through unthinkable challenges, know that you’re supported. You’re doing a great job.

We are all so different and yet one thing brings us all together… motherhood. In the coming weeks I’m hoping to reach out to moms out there with unique situations that may be able to share some stories or articles about topics I am unfamiliar with. Remember to respect each others differences and understand that it’s okay to not always relate with other moms. The most important part is that we support one another despite the different challenges we may face.

Comments

To the Moms that I can’t possibly relate to — 4 Comments

  1. I represent the moms that I hope you never have to be able to relate to – the ones who have lost custody of their children in a divorce. There is a stigma attached to women like me. People think we must have screwed up somewhere in our parenting to have lost custody. No. I gave birth naturally, breastfed for the first full year or longer, and was blessed to be able to stay at home and raise them for 18 years, which means I was at home every day with my oldest until high school graduation. During those years I homeschooled them for 4 years, taught sunday school and vacation bible school. I survived cervical cancer. What Im saying is, dont judge us either. We support you in your daily struggles, because we are still moms ourselves. We’ve simply been ripped away from the reasons why we were living. My reasons are named Amanda, Kaitlyn, Austin, and Katerina. I want to encourage those of us who have lost our children, to never give up hope. Its Ok to cry and be sad. Its also OK to be happy. Dont be ashamed to let others see you smile. Even if you are a mother who made some mistakes and lost custody because of those choices…do this for me: Remember your children and savor the memory of their hair, the feel of their skin, the way they drew you hearts in the morning, and lift your head up high, do not be ashamed of yourself. Your children love you. To them, even if they are alienated from you, you are still the Light of their world. Remember, they will grow up and one day seek you out.

    • Hi Carolyn,
      Thank you for sharing your story here. There are so many mothers out there that have different situations and stresses to deal with, it is nice that we can still come together and support one another. I cannot relate to what you are going through, but by sharing your story you’ve opened up to the many women who may have or may still be dealing with the exact situation you described.