Keep your neighbourhood watch nose out of my damn business!

I find that since I’ve been back from vacation all my posts have been very warm and fuzzy. I guess that’s what a few weeks of no work and free of of mommy responsibilities will do to you. However this all changed when the neighbour up the road, with her perfectly pruned gardens, decided to question my parenting decisions. I’m not sure if anyone has ever taken notice, but I try very hard not to use profanity in my posts… I just feel like it’s not really necessary, so I often backspace while typing my thoughts. Today however, it is required, so I apologize in advance. This woman, who apparently took it upon herself to grade us all on our parenting skills, is an uptight snarky bitch.

Before I go any further, I have to tell you that this woman already rubbed me the wrong way when she made it perfectly clear that she did not want her precious grandchildren playing with our kids. She scurries those kids into the backyard quicker than you can bat an eyelash to avoid any sort of interaction whatsoever. My son honestly asks me why those kids aren’t allowed to play in the front yard. I want to tell him that it’s because the snarky bitch is worried that his fun free spirit might possibly be contagious… but that might be a tad inappropriate.

The other day Jocelyn, my 3 ½  year old, was determined that she was going to walk to her nana’s all by herself. She is going through that whole ‘I can do it’ independent phase, and I think that the best thing to do is embrace it and teach her how to be safe. We live on a dead end street, and two houses down there is a little path (on city property) that goes directly into my mom’s backyard. Beside this path, is where the uptight neighbour prunes her flowers in her pleated pants and refuses to say hello to me, our kids, or my parents. I even pondered if perhaps she was indeed mute. Until the other day that is.

As Jocelyn walked safely down the road, proudly sporting her princess backpack and glittery baseball cap, I watched from the end of my driveway. I was talking to my mom on the phone, who was anxiously waiting for her to proudly strut into her yard, when I heard someone yelling at me.

‘Excuse me,’ (insert condescending tone here) ‘Are you watching her or not?’ yelled the snarky bitch on the corner, who knows damn well that my mom is waiting for her just a few steps away.

‘Yes, I am. And so is my mom. Thanks.’ I replied with as much attitude as I could round up.

Are you freaking kidding me? I honestly pictured myself walking down there and telling her exactly what I thought while stomping on her perfectly colour coordinated tulips. She knows damn well that Jocelyn would never be out of my view… and she can clearly see my mom watching her from her yard. My first reaction was that perhaps I was doing something wrong. Maybe children’s aid would be knocking at my door to tell me that I was an unfit mother. But then I came to my senses and realized that supporting and encouraging my daughter’s independence was none of this woman’s damn business.

As I write this, I can tell you that my ‘do-gooder’ attitude has gone missing. All I can think of is my adorable son and his desire to constantly pick her flowers and make me a beautiful bouquet. And while I have always discouraged this from happening… I’m not sure if I will be supervising as closely the next time he is tempted to show his love for me. Wait. I am supposed to be the role model here. So, the fact that I also keep envisioning my son peeing on her beautiful japanese maple is I’m sure a sign that I have completely lost my mind. I’m sure my daughter would love to dig for buried treasure on her lawn, or leave cut up apples in her garden for the local deer to snack on. Maybe we will just invest in a dog that I can train to poop on her lawn. Yes… that is it, unleash doggy warfare on her ass. Okay… seriously, I am officially a bad person.

I constantly write about supporting and encouraging one another, so I feel a little guilty that I am stooping to this horrible level of disdain. But I have to say, while I may not support this woman’s superior attitude, I do encourage all you other moms to stand up for yourself and not let others judge your parenting decisions. I’m not saying you should turn your kids into the neighbourhood tyrants carrying out your demented fantasies of destroying your neighbours lawn… but know that you don’t have to stand for the neighbourhood watch bitch on the corner. To all the moms who’ve ever been questioned, judged or criticized for your parenting decisions… you’ve got my support, because this job is hard enough without all of that!


Keep your neighbourhood watch nose out of my damn business! — 5 Comments

  1. Amen! And, you are HUMAN, and you love your babies. So, you are entitled to get upset every once in a while. Especially when it comes to little old ladies that can’t mind their own business! How lucky are you to live so close to your mom!?

    • Ahh… thanks. Yes I am very lucky to have my mom so close by. Just think, when the kids despise me when they are teenagers I will have the perfect place to send them!!

  2. Perhaps I’ll take my dog for a walk near your house and I’LL be the one to unleash the doggie poop warfare… Love you Janet and I’d be pissed too!

  3. I hope one day you will be able to write a post about how you told this snarky bitch off once and for all!!! I don’t like her already and I’ve only read this one post about her!!